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Asking Less of Your Spouse Can Help Fix Marriage?

Is your marriage in trouble?

September 26, 2017

Today while doing my serial web browsing at work, I came across an article that touted it had the key to strengthening a struggling marriage. That's a pretty big statement to make. Plus, let's not forget that there are a million reasons a marriage could be going through a rough patch and on the verge of collapse. 

So what is the expert advice "that's an easy" solution to make your bond stronger again? According to Eli Finkel's book "The All-or-Nothing Marriage", it's to ask less of your spouse and the overall relationship. While I agree that many of us place unrealistic expectations on too many people and situations, I don't think I can get on board this idea of asking for less. 

Think back to when you first met the person you were with and all the things they did to woo you. When I first met the man I married he called when he said he would, made plans for romantic dates, and did nice gestures just because he wanted to see me smile. I understand that individuals within a relationship may be stressed from work or other things, but why should we expect less of someone?

I never asked him to be my everything because that's not healthy. You can't expect someone to be your lover, best friend, a co-parent, etc. But I do want someone to consistently love me and their affection and actions towards me to be consistent as well. If we both have our own issues that may be contributing to the problem, we both need to work on ourselves and the relationship, but separately. I don't think it's too much to ask someone when you're literally at the end of your rope to step it up.

Talk is cheap and I am over lip service. If someone really wants to change or wants it to work out, you will see them act in a way that promotes healing. They will want to make themselves better to make the marriage better. 

Finkel says, "asking less of the relationship means adjusting your expectations of what your partner is capable of doing for you."

Why should I or anyone else for that matter be okay with someone who was once capable of being present in the marriage and being a partner to not? If your partner set the bar high when you were dating and when you first were married, why should that change?