What Your Favorite Halloween Candy Says About You

October 7, 2019
Halloween candy and pumpkins

I love Halloween! The colder weather, the changing leaves, the costumes, and of course the candy!! In case you couldn't tell I have a bit of a major sweet tooth! I remember after trick or treating as a kid I would go and separate out all my candy. I'd typically put it into two different categories-The good stuff and the throw away candy.

Obviously anything chocolate for the most part would fall into the good stuff category. Although there are some chocolate candies that I am not a fan of like mallow cups or milk duds.

My favorite Halloween candy of all time-Reese's Peanut Butter Cups!!! And even better than the cups are the pumpkins!

What does your favorite Halloween candy say about you? According to experts, it says a lot!

1. Butterfinger: You snag experiences whenever you can, whether that means putting a trip to Versailles on your credit card and wearing a leather dress to the Paris opera, or just saying “yes” to that extra round of cocktails at the end of the night even though you’re pretty sure you hit your wall with that last one. You might wind up living in a cardboard box in your eighties, but you’ll be in the cardboard box telling everyone about how you went skydiving in Belize and landed in a pool full of Champagne, so it’ll be worth it.

2. Almond Joy: You are being haunted by a woman on Instagram who does not know who you are. Every restaurant you go to, you think, “Would she go here? What would she Instagram from this table?” Every purchase you make, you think, “Would she buy this? If she met me and she saw me wearing this, would she say, ‘I love that dress!’?” You watch everything she does and follow everything she consumes.

3. Reese's Peanut Butter Cups: You just spent all your money on makeup, and you don’t even wear makeup most of the time. That would bother you more if you did not have a deep understanding of the pleasures of ownership. You treasure your sexy lingerie and would never, ever get rid of it, even though you only ever wear soft cotton comfortable things, if you wear underwear at all. You like the word “veggies” and have no idea why it annoys some people so much.

4. Snickers: People are always saying, “Well-behaved women rarely make history,” and you take it as a personal affront. You’re polite and you send thank-you notes and let people go ahead of you in line if you have a ton of stuff and they have one item. Sure, you might never make history, but at least you are not an a-hole.

5. 3 Musketeers: You have been on an extremely ineffectual diet for the past decade. Your life is just a shadow of what you want it to be. You’d estimate that you’re running at about 35 to 45 percent of what it would take to make you happy. You would like to improve those numbers, but you are too worried about risking the bird in the hand for the two in the bush. Your last thoughts are going to be, “It can’t be over already, I’m still waiting for it to get started!”

6. Candy Corn: You say you don’t like candy, but then the one candy you do like is basically like eating a handful of buttered sugar. You’re strong and successful and everyone admires you. You put forth an image of perfect control and pride yourself on your decisiveness, but if you stop and think about the shape of your life, you will realize you never actually made a single decision for yourself.

7. Red Vines: You don’t need the fanciest stuff; you just want the stuff you have to not look trashy and grubby and full of crumbs and stains and roaches. You don’t need to be a Rockefeller, but would it kill the people you live with to not destroy the few nice things you own? How much effort does it take to remember to not put a gold-rimmed glass in the dishwasher, anyway? These people are killing you.

8. Kit Kat: You do not have time for any of this! You have oceans to stride and worlds to conquer. When children come to your house at Halloween, you are tempted to give them a personality quiz and tell them that they can have one candy bar now, but if they wait for 20 minutes on your doorstep, you will give them two candy bars. There’s no real purpose to this test; you just want to know which children are the best children.

What an interesting list. But honestly the Reese's Peanut butter cup description isn't very spot on with me. Yes, I spend a lot of cash on makeup, but I wear it pretty much every day! And I don't have a particular fondness for the word veggie.

How did you fair according to your favorite candy?