Matt's Rant Corner - Dog Poop Signs

August 31, 2020
Dog Poop Signs

I've often wondered what people are trying to accomplish with the various "no poop" dog yard signs. 

There are only two possible thoughts running through their heads.

1) Dogs can read.

2) People who let their dogs crap in other people's yards are a forgetful bunch of sociopaths.


I want to explore thought #1. 

What percentage of dogs can read? It's got to be pretty low. For the sake of argument let's go with 30%. Now, what are the odds a dog with the ability to read, feels a “number 2” coming on at the exact moment he's on the yard with the "NO POOP" stake? Let's knock the original percentage down to 15%. Of course, reading isn't good enough in this case. The dog has to be able to conceptualize what the squatting dog, with the word "NO", on a stake, in a yard means. Dogs shouldn’t hunch over? They shouldn’t stand on a little metal stake? If you want to help a dog figure out the meaning, why not, at the very least, add some poop coming out of the butt. So, let's knock another 7% off our percentage, for not having the ability to figure out what the sign means. That brings us to an  8% chance there is a dog that reads, can understand a sign, and has to poop while walking by your yard. Now, let's assume at least half of those dogs don't give a shit about authority, your sign, or social rules. That puts the odds, that sign works pretty low and we haven't even considered the dog being overruled by the human walking him.


Now let's ponder thought number 2.

The kind of person who just allows their dog, all willy nilly, to poop on other people’s yards, I’m guessing, is not the kind of human who will be discouraged by a sign. I guess the scenario the person, who stabbed the NO POOP stick in their yard, envisions is that “Karen” or “Ken” is walking their dog, “King” (I want to think BIG poop for maximum effect) and King decides to squat in “no poop sign” guys yard, but then Karen/Ken notice the squatting “NO” dog figure. Ken/Karen smack their forehead and say, “You know, all these years I’ve been letting King take massive dumps on other people’s yards and never cleaned it up because no one ever had a sign that told me not too. Wow! This will change my life! King..pull that poop cigar back in. We will not continue to act like sociopaths”. Sure, that will happen.


I guess there could be another reason why the person put the “no poop” sign in their yard. They may hope that carefree Ken/Karen may follow the signs directions, and walk King another 7 inches to Ken/Karen’s neighbors yard (with no anti poop sign) and allow King to evacuate his Gravy Train there. If that’s the thinking, “better his yard than mine”, then maybe the “don’t poop on my yard” sign guy needs a little self reflection as well.


Just to be clear. I am not against the “NO” dog squatting sign. I just like to rant. So, don’t gather all your fellow “Dogs Don’t Poop on My Yard Sign” friends and storm the radio station. I really don’t give a crap..and if I did I promise it wouldn’t be in your yard!