Love, Marriage, and Money (S3 E2)

Friday, June 2nd

In this episode of the Her Money Podcast Kris and Sheri discuss how you pay for weddings. With the average cost of weddings at an all time high, it's really important to know how to budget for that big day. 


Transcript - Not for consumer use. Robot overlords only. Will not be accurate.

All you Max used and then started dating and then he fell in love and now here you teach your planning the wedding you talked about everything. You know exactly what you do you mean the little French Bulldog that you can get if before you have kids and you know there needs to and you're kind of how sure gonna bike helmet kind of like you're gonna have and all the vacation churning going you've talked about everything. And now. It's time to talk about the money. The mine eat you've got to pay for that wedding share some money that's not very romantic curse and all how are we gonna talk about pain for a wedding. On this episode of her money. Love marriage and money. Her money is sponsored by cure all financial. Hat this is thinly matzo financial advisor with Carol finance out. The ring mat Ter retirement can be curvy confusing and public detours and stops what your simply getting started approaching retirement. We college. Retirement simple. For more information visit our website its aero financial dot com. Why in the world team weddings have to cost so much money Chris Carol for. Bob mention they have to. Even the average cost of wedding in this country just the average cost has gotten to the point we're looking forward to even get may 32641. Dollars as the number that I just off and how many people do you know who spend twice that are yeah are. Several clients who spent about twice on a wedding why why do we spend so much someone needs. No you know as as as the male in the room I'm gonna try to say that it's archaic. You know I would rather just have the goat. Clinton change and go yeah chicken or whatever Brett but you know this idea that a bride's parents are supposed to go and a Hough can spend. What amounts to a really nice car. Or. Or more more more power and with people getting married it in later and later and later suddenly you've got lake. Here's 31 year old child coming home who owns her own home by the way. And has a bigger retirement account and you do 'cause she got to go to a better college hidden because you lifted your generation up. Suddenly princess wants her special day and you're supposed to go bankrupt providing it for worse the bride and groom themselves. End up starting. Married life together into an in depth yup that's exactly right so tell a little bit we talked a lot about our relationships and our relationship to money you know you're kind of stand during our standard and my family and your wife just the saves and absolutely asked so what did you absolutely have to have for your special day spokesman. Come home we did we did the destination wedding surfer also was actually. Really easy. All I really cared about was that my my parents like her parents were there. So my my mom and dad and my mom on Paul Paul this in my dad's parents. That's all I cared about so for Rios really simple to him and how about your bride to be what did she want in terms of gas she should just curb the immediate family sues religious her parents her sister and her niece and nephew absolutely. Yes so it was it was great we are really small wedding we had a on the beach in Hawaii. And even though we flew had you know. Half where who were older so it was still very cheap we were. Where way under the average cost of letting will we garnered troops thirteen years ago wow. And you knew who I agree when you experience and didn't have to spend we didn't have to spend a ton of money on. And you got to be in your own honeymoon destination yeah we just days to her honeymoon and that's exactly right when an ominous thing Kevin I got married all we cared about was that our children conserve blending our families that are children were therefore because. When you get married who a second careers or a fifty Hertz or whatever no judgment. And your blending families it's really it's not just two people getting married to his family soldiers to families to children groups generic. It was so Jay-Z and beyoncé. We and we it was a surprise wedding we chartered a yacht in Charleston, South Carolina ranks. We told all of the kids we wanted to take them for one last summer weekend as a family before they scattered off to school and stuff. They had no idea we're getting married. We booked hotel firms we took all of our kids and between us we had eight kids at this wedding okay we took all the kids. We took them down the marine on the pretense that Kevin wanted to look at a boat that was for sale. Ported them on the yacht. Had the fishing and dressed up as a crew member had during similar durst got married in the harbor sunset took them out to dinner spend a weekend sightseeing in Charleston. Ten people this wedding which was so Jay-Z and beyoncé 5000 dollars total myself 5000 dollars isn't the change you find in the couch. But what if you'll share LS 300000. Dollars yeah. Yes hula so what you do if you're if you're determined that you wanna have the waning the church the reception and the flowers the invitations. The little Mansur bubbles or whatever you throw people when you're leaving. The ban to the DJ if you're determined to have that traditional classic when you experience what are some ways to pay for it that makes cents. OK so. Can let me start with this MI the parents or among the person getting married you're gonna have to be both simultaneously. OK so let me tell you when we start with the advice I give to parents. Okay so. Number one piece of advice we give to parents is write them a check when they come tell you that they're getting married. And let the kids thought to. So at that point you're out you're out here's what we had to give you because here's the I don't know about you. I don't know about your family. But I know myself and if my little girl. She's always three now but I know I can tell you right now she's moody who she can come to me in talking me into buying an extra X dollars and flowers or an extra. In it would be a piece a cake and that's how the wedding dues from being you thought it was going to be a 20000 dollar wedding. And suddenly it's a 40000 dollar wedding gosh that little conversation at the time word dad or mom. Just can't say no to their little sweetheart arm Hersh special today. Well thank you swiping a credit card anyway so why not have the bride commit to the church on the lukewarm. Yeah. Exactly and and we were you there weren't weren't we thought we were only gonna have either one Bratz name than you know you know but now we're we've decided duke eight from each side of the wedding party and you know all lose our asses all the stresses. That his. It's it's just it's no balls it's it's a natural thing and oh we were gonna have a hundred people at the wedding but that left out aunt Susie and her new husband and you know the next thing you know. The hundred workers toiling balloons and 280 person. Feel a lot of pricing groups crusade that there wedding got out of control in terms of the guest list because the parents were inviting friends and business colleagues and and and Debbie who you haven't seen since nine. I completely agree if you're the parent ever going to set a budget you need to set the expectation from urine to. Okay you need to say look you're OK here's here's. We here's what I can contribute. Write the check immediately if not sooner if and here's what it or here's boot the couple things that we have we have OK there we expect from Marseille affair you know. I expect that these members will be invited. Okay. You need to set that expectation and write that check. I'll get a wedding business do you see that work with just my own thing no worst times OK number of times this is war. I've had I've never had I've had one person. Who the the daughter came back and talked him into one small additional pavement. But I've never had a balloon out of control when the parents who purchased out. So now we're talking about because this is a great approach and it's clean and it's on emotional which is the hardest thing when you're doing with my ECD emotion out. How do you is apparent keeping that hat on. On figure out what you can afford to spend on a wedding where should that money come from are we talking again home equity line honey how are we talking hitting your 401K if you don't happen to have. An how many regular people happen to have you know bunch of cash just sit in a bucket. Both sides that I said earlier and I said OK if how to daughter to day. And she got married at 26. And she warned that this average wedding a 32641. Dollars what what what I need to search saving. Every year to make it happen. So what's your guess share Norma how to make your guess soon. OK she's going to be 26 and she means 32000 dollars I knowingly more than a thousand dollars a year. Don't ask me to invest it and calculate interest rates that's what they got. That's what I did I invested a guy who's Jewish it's in your ancestors says it's as you need to be saving about two point 700 dollars a year starting now in order to pay for I have critics I knew it was more than without it was dubbed little more than a thousand here's here's the problem about weddings gonna inflating costs to all right Macedonia could not 3032000. When she is married it's gonna you were like 70000. Dollars when she gets smaller. What the truth in lending statement in my shiny. And. The first thing when you say how are you gonna pay for it but first some advice is start saving some thing early because you know it's not. If if you're of the mindset that you're going to pay for part of your daughter or your son in my mind I should contribute something to brochure and oh yeah. It's OK I have no idea broached very young I have no idea what bullets but. But I should be saving with that in mind now does that mean I have to set up a separate little account. Just for my daughter's wedding in one for my son's wedding and put some supper. Not really more like oh no you don't really whole Erica mom and dad noticed a lot of money that pod to use the money that no word came from money is money is money right so so regular maybe I'll get lucky and my son rule Mary some fabulous young woman whose father started saving for her wedding before she was even born she. I hope you're a man can green arrow OK so but what. It what it says is if you have children in your planning on the contributing to that you need to have something in your mind it's going away every year towards it it can't be sudden how my gonna pay for this. You are because your daughter came home and suddenly she's engaged. Well what about a there's kind of this urban legend that you hear about where the parents sit have the young couple in love down and say. And we got to check free and you can use it to pretty dumping money else where you can use it towards your wedding. Ever heard of ready when taken him putting it toward a house have you had that experience. NASA I actually have had a I have had a client whose daughter is looped. And use the money to start their sort of financial life. Which is really very Smart it really is that I think her verbal what I should. Said you have to tell the more do you expect. So in the case where you have a group like Clive liked client wanted to be at the wedding. Oh they wanted to weigh. They wanted to letting go and root the check in the kids decided to do look in Vegas and and keep the money holing disappoint your mom and dad and dad were actually you know mom and dad will likely could have done whatever you wanna but I got a lot of debate. They're there. Oh wow so there but well please check gives me hope that there is one case the other one or storehouse is good but it was probably a less than optimal scenario. But I think that's great you know they did DO things. I think more and more people contribute to their own way. I can know that my wife and I ask you about that I knew that I aides are we when we can't really expect mom and dad who may at this point B in her near retirement on did you talk to your your parents about. Helping pay for your second or Third World. While my father of the drug dealer content that's destined dirty money there. Fifth third is now I'll write him I was afraid I was afraid the FBI which they might be marked I don't know telling. And my mom would hash. But I just felt like a grown woman yeah I can't ask for that I don't even want. Ask for yes so with my mom with my wife it wasn't that her parents couldn't have contributed more. It's that we felt uncomfortable asking for it because we. Kind of our goals through murder and often reach your boot you know we could contribute in the and so we did and and I you know I don't think it's too much to ask. For a parent to ask their kids to the same thing in to say look here's what I can contribute. You know maybe it's maybe your great financial state if you look at and say okay here's 32641. Dollars. I saw that was the average cost of wedding go to my total contribution to go do it. Maybe it's look I I'm not in a position where you pay 32000. Dollar for a wedding but I'll tell you what. I do have some extra savings I'm willing to chip in 101000 dollars and you know your try to figure are getting married or not that's great if your figure out using your own savings to make it a nicer wedding that your choice. You'll low that your choice so. All of what I'm saying here is don't put the responsibility on you. It's not you know who did you not your job it's nice very common we really you know again and you're not. You're not required to provide to your roots and a chicken. I don't know because you're talking because your little Angel decided to get married you know I mean this is not how to be either that's not realistic and and and do it shouldn't. My older brother has five kids and that seemed like a great idea at the time amend your com's college in weddings and there wasn't on the guest. His youngest child is getting married on next September. And my brother and his wife did exactly what you're describing they sat each kid down and said. This is what we can give you. We can't give you more because it anymore we gave few we'd be putting on our MasterCard and we can't do that to a and sending kids understood very clearly. And in the spirit of that what are some awful ways to pay for wedding expenses for fourth with ethnic let's run through that worsen lawful ways so let's start with current. I mean look credit cards are great former resource do you really want Iraq. Not double digit credit card adaptor away. Of course not I mean that's crazy right every time we talked about I I think I think does a great example of what's a bad use of home equity line. Going for a wedding you know we're talking about paramedic crew that's that's a terrible thing to put in your home equity market. You know we does that say that's a great that that's a great example wouldn't not completely necessary expense not here. It can't. This is why got to have the bigger conversation up front either you're a little Angel might think it's an absolute requirement that she hasn't unicorn. Right. And you wondered how warm heat person you curse on a side note that armed Japan should sponsor this Tonka podcasters who. Depends more than anybody else's ever but it I'm and I did it does depend made it apparent. But you know here's the thing is anyone who has actually been active in planning a wedding. News that there are immense differences in cost depending on some very minor decisions. Are give you an example. Is your reception. Going to serve some light orders. Or both faced Al donor or depleted Denver. Those prices are astronomically. Different correct equation. Like anyone who's been to wedding I've been too great weddings where the food was an order of table. And that was basically it. What's another huge expense from Asian boy and out through these in was another huge difference and expense. Demand vs 3-D game vs a DJ that's a good or how about don't bar bar that's what our thinking out deodorant bars a Hugh huge. Deal okay and am. You know here's the thing you've got to balance these things. Right I mean if you're going to serve the pleaded dinner may be that means a cash bar if you're going to you know link you've got to balance these things and here's the thing. If you asked me and I'm throwing the party them but you're paying for the party what do I want. I want an open bar a lot alive DNA and a DJ how. I know I go and have your nerves in a plated dinner you know like if if you're asking knee but someone else is paying for it. That's that's where you into trouble so so really when it comes down to reduce the person who's making the decisions. Ought to be the person controlling. That has a budget. And that has skin in the game in terms of can I do that's exactly right and that's why should just write him a check just look and say here's what I can contribute. We write a check and make the bride and groom figured out now let's flip and say. What should I do from the blue brining group. Okay well. Put a big buffer in your number the first advice of bride and groom is. If your total budget is 20000 dollars. The butcher aiming for is about 151000. Dollars because of another 5000 is going to materialized. Out of things you never considered so roughly 25%. I would sure Tony to Tony 5% buffer. Every time. So when we sit down together to plan our wedding and the two of us agreed we think we can get the Stein you know we're gonna have to Mason jars and wild flowers in Morocco where she is or whatever were not sure we can get this done. For 25000 dollars we need to just go ahead and and say thirty yeah. Yeah okay absolutely because of the bride and anger and I'm doing with this right now occur have a niece who's getting married next month. And she's quite good and I'm. Mark going to express an opinion on the but we we feel strongly that may be too beyond it possibly could putt how impossibly. Far younger than what I based my numbers on okay. Will she starts planning your wedding and what do you think her (%expletive) you have never thought about. We even after branched chairs. He had a better view is crazy you know like it's it's the venue tells you a price and that's sort of just to show up into a blank and number German T Ray Emery. And then you've got to figure out the chairs in the tense and worst this come from the weight. Decatur said it was this much per person but then you have to have on this service charge and this plus a two. And and what I'm telling you is every time. People blow the budget out. Because we didn't leave enough of a buffer even if they knew what the budget Wallace. Club because you don't necessarily know unless you're a veteran purse a veteran wedding person who's got married a few times they've all been big splashy. You don't really know until you get there. All of the places all of the hidden sand traps. You know you're gonna fallen to balance this service charges share Reynolds everything you pay for everything and and planning a wedding everything's ala carte. This is directly basically there's a separate charge for every single thing that's going to happen. And in her so put a big buffer and if if you're the one planning the wedding can you kind of start that first budget. Put a big plus for him because there's going to be more stuff you didn't think up. And images gas because it on this podcasts we. Almost never find a good reason to tap retirement funds film for a pair IRA no because most people seem enough for Carmen anyway so. Is he spend there aren't paying you don't. Please don't try to convince yourself that you borrowed venture forward came to pay for this wedding and you'll pay it back. Just don't OK I think there's there's no really good type of borrowing to pay for something that is going to disappear in mid day. The memories last year lifetime so all the debt. We'll have the pictures we we only need to get into what that's gonna cost us or the flowers again you know it. Flowers cost X until you announced you're the bride and then they seem to double. Now that's exactly right and guess what there's a service charge for getting them there yeah yes you know and and before you know it. The the flower budget just triple. I I have we have a caller on the I'm sure show. Hurt they spent 181000 dollars on flowers from day if I'm spending eighteen grand a flowers I wanna fly first class to the Netherlands and Sydney tulip fields like there's no way I wanna spend 181000 dollars on flowers. But that's all that uncommon. No it's really not made no wedding industrial complex exactly and in you know when we talk when we talk about this 30000 dollar wedding. How does that average come about Kia worst numbers come in for us to think about us. That average comes not from a whole bunch of people who spend thirty. There's a whole lot of people who spend 5000 dollar to 101000 dollars from Alaska there's a tone of people who do so what's bringing that average job. Two people that are spending 75 to eighty to 20250. If you at a 150 truck trying to we you know we live in Charlotte. Try to put your 300 person wedding insurance are you would be very difficult to do further there's there's not many places they can do it the dinner is going to be insanely expensive. And that's before I mean the food at a 300. Person when they're should I say 40000 dollars it's a little over hundred dollars a plate would be very normal okay. I mean that's that's just. Food successful for the call that's before the 181000 dollars on flowers and I deeply romantic percent and I don't wanna be cynical and introduce an unhappy note into the conversation but when we look at them the averages in terms of marriages the last. But before you go into blinding debt for your magical day. Not not you go into anything shameful how. You look like a short timer first husband do the right will not do that I. We got a game rational rightly kind of rational people that. Commercial or fewer see that where there where the woman's like I'm hoping for 37 years she made her little blip. Shot commercials though lodges shares after which you know we'll see what happens but those first three to seven years are going to be I'll. I went to a family members writing your cousin's wedding. And on everyone's doing the toasts in our family and open bar is indeed priorities right that we want an open bar more than we don't church the drivers are two gem is an open bar right. After that hosts one of my Brothers turned to meet raised his glass and its head. Kerry's first husband seems like a nice guy yeah. Like so obvious. To every one except maybe the two of them that and of course it didn't last her brother is right. So not you wanna go and anything. Thinking about the negatives. But before you borrowings for one K before you run up your credit card debt buying hand made little tool bundles of whatever to throw your gas may stop to think about. What else can we do with all this money. Yeah and and I'm not saying tell your little Angel that you don't think he's a keeper. No I know unless. You keep that she. Only good can come from that but they are I mean you know what is it won't be realistic. I mean I think you know. Sometimes it's a whole lot easier. To be realistic. If you can separate yourself. From the emotion Hilliard and it. Force some distance between yourself and in the emotional aspects right and that's why writing a check you you know it seems cold and impersonal. Your diet but it gives you some space and some distance and then you know you can just have fun and let them abrasion not so caught up you're zoning. So here's how mining probe he you're in love to get married. We just don't want you to use your retirement money or your home equity line to pay for it we don't want you to send your parents into the future leading canned cat food I would be Belgrade you know we live happily ever after smoothly. And we really would like if you're inviting us further buildup or are worth asking exactly how asking for a I don't even care served flowers let's just make sure that the lakers have flown to that is this episode of her money yelled go. Or to love each other and don't spend like drunken pilots. Hey if you want more information about what we talked on today's show weren't you just have other questions about money. Is our website it's WWW Doug Carol financial dot com. Or you can only should mean email whether it's through the podcast or through my website I'd be happy to help if I can't. Her money is sponsored by kuril financial practices in doing that's so financial advisor with Carol financial. The red not to retirement can be curvy confusing in Philly. Approaching retirement for far somewhere in the medal joining us very new series of workshops this spring we college retirement. Simple for more information visit our website it's purely financial ducks come to her. Waved my guess is just a tiny Sherry lynch and meet Chris Carroll and. Our executive producers or new trial by a. Jonathan many and Carol proteins are producers Heather fur and our technical director and editor is Billy black special thanks to them we Nestle and Miriam Edward. 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